please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
