Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
