every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
