so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
pray to the hookup gods
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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