it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
