So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
