trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
