new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
