Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
