I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
