Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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