Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
