I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
