i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
