I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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