k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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