Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
