Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think my vagina is haunted
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I want her autograph on my taint
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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