I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So squirting runs in the family.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
