My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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