ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
