I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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