is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
