she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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