We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
