this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
