im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
