I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
