So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
