So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
love makes seman taste better
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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