a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
