he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
