so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
