we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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