Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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