Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
