her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
