Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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