The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Randomize
