My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
