Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
