is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
