im six kinds of drunk right now
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
