He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
