Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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