apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
