Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
