His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
