So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
