either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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