you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
