Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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