Umm I'm too high to move.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
