Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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