It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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