Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
