Im at strip club and am horny
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
